24th Sept.... Dennis Homes Special...
Steve O'Kane's review coming soon...
The Fab Club Review for 24th September
By Steve O’Kane
INTRO
Well strangle me giblets and throbble me grapenuts, can it really be that
I think I first came to the club in October 2005, so it will soon be my one year anniversary. (I prefer brut
I will therefore take this brief opportunity to say “hello” to everyone, as there isn’t always time during the sessions, and to say “thanks” for all the friendliness and encouragement that you have shown to me and Fiona since we first came along.
You fools!! Now we will come back again and again!
Anyway, I shall now get on with the proper job, and do my best to write a review for your delectation. Having read the last few from Gordon, Pauline, and Liz, I will have to concentrate hard in order to aspire to the same literary standard, so I’ll just put the lid back on this bottle of gin…….…………and so we begin…..
Claudine is absent due to a sneak attack by a fleet of English germs, (les pain dans l’arse Anglais) …(bread??) which she is trying to fight off. Unfortunately her Pate de Fois Gras is well and truly cooked, because the Chief Germ is called Admiral Nelson.! AAArrgghhh!! I said not to mention the war! To the bastille!
MARGARET
Into the breach steps Margaret, resplendent in black denim skirt with bias stitching, pink blouse, and trainers, plucking her Ukele shamelessly. She sings a song called “Summer Wine”, which she dedicates to John Parrot. (also resplendent in black denim skirt, pink blou…….)
I haven’t heard this before, and I think I can say, without fear of contraception, that it suited Margarets voice very well. I have only really heard her sing a la George Formby before, (which she does rather well) but I thought this song revealed a much smoother style that I found quite pleasant. More ballads, please, Margaret.
She dedicates this song to a chap named Ron, who was apparently instrumental in her becoming instrumental….so to speak.
Her second offering is a parody of a George Formby song called “The Chinese Stir Fry Blues”. Who ever wrote this must be crackers. What a prawn.
NORMAN
Next up is
He plays and sings in a gentle way, which again I prefer to some of the brasher uke numbers,…but maybe that’s just me.
He then plays “Quando Kwundo Quondo Cwundo” (one of them must be right);
a song that he claims was made a hit by Inglebert Dinkerhump, the well known typing error. Once again, people sing along happily. Nice mood.
GORDON
Gordon then leaps gazelle like onto the stage, apologising for it being his first visit to the new venue, but claiming that he has been stuck on the one way system…….for the last three weeks. I have my suspicions…… .
He wears rather groovy trainers, which compliment his eyebrows in a risqué, Velcro- like manner. (You may notice a certain sartorial thread (ooh puns as well) running through this narrative…along with the desperate attempts at humour))
He amuses us all with his own creation based on “The Wild Rover”, which gives a potted history of The Fab Club at its original venue, and subsequent move.
I think I detected a reference to 3.5 ice cubes, which I am still trying to work out.
He then sings another rather lovely song called “Pay The Price”.
I would like to hear it again. I recall the line…“your wits are still about you, though mine are flushed with wine.” Ah I know the feeling well..
Big clap at the end…………but I believe he is applying cream regularly, and has a follow up appointment…
SIMON
Simon Oliver is next up, dressed in ex army trousers, tied at the waist with a piece of lead pipe, with matching army-surplus beard and moustache (circa 1918)
He has been flashing away at others when they were performing………..perhaps someone should buy him a camera to give him some other way to amuse himself.
He sings a song about boars living in the wood, killing spotted pigs, and mad women swinging in trees…..with a jolly “all along, down along, out a long lee” type chorus...
There must have been more L.S.D around back then than I thought.
His second song is in the traditional style, and is about a chap trying to get his mediaeval leg over…………………………I don’t know how old his other leg was.
“Take Me To Your Chamber Love” is one of the lines…..presumably to smoke a little “chamber-pot”…chortle chortle. Simon always makes great use of the capo, targeting his vocals to best advantage. Very professional; a lesson for us all. He is well received as ever, and gets feet tapping away to his 12 stringed rhythm.
FIONA
Margaret (who, incidentally, is doing a great job as M.C. in Claudines absence) then introduces Fiona, who apologises for her lack of preparation (no lipstick, torn stockings, no teeth in, visible bruises…..I don’t know.)
In fact we had both still been in Norfolk at 11.a.m. on Sunday, trying to deal with a flooded kitchen, and had frantically locked up and driven back to Essex as I was due to do the review for Dennis. See how we suffer!!
Fiona commenced with “The Hooter”, which she sang with her usual venom(!). Sadly this co-incided with some noisy oiks outside, which slightly put her off.
It was too hot to close the doors,……….so I simply closed my eyes,….. and went out and machine gunned them all to death.
For her second song she accompanied herself on guitar, so she commandeered a chair, and threw her leg over it. She then hopped around it on her remaining leg, retrieved the first one, and used this to support her guitar. She played her own composition “Yesterday and You”, which was short and sweet…..half of which description applies to Fiona too. Always nice to hear original work; it was well received.
BIG BOB
We then had the paradox of the popular “Little Bob” singing “Big Eyes”…or was it the other way around?? (Only kidding, Bob!) Big Bob has a knack for singing deceptive little songs that suddenly have everyone singing along, as here.
He followed this up with a great rendition of a song about “Aunt Clara”, who was apparently doing fine as a regular churchgoer until she learned how to run her fingers up and down the vicars rather large organ,.(Steady boys!)
She then became a sort of Anita Roddick, and opened a Body Shop…….trouble is her Body WAS the shop…and she wasn’t short of customers!! Wahey! Open all hours! The chorus went “her picture is turned to the wall”….as no doubt she was herself from time to time…..
MIKE PARROT
Mike Parrot, was next up, looking rather dapper in sky blue linen, elegant shoes, and bright red socks that matched his eyes beautifully. (not really) He played a song written by the aforementioned Gordon, called “Starstruck”, and I thought he performed it with great sympathy/empathy etc. His voice entered a slightly higher range than I am used to hearing from Mike, and I thought it suited him well.
He followed this up with a self penned song “I miss her enormous, miss her enormous, miss her enormous…ly” . What can I say?
From what I gather Mike is a relatively recent addition to the folk club scene, and I think it is amazing to have written so many funny songs, and to perform them so well, so soon. He also has an enviable gift for humour in between songs; great stuff.
Time for a c.d, don’t you think??
STEVE O’KANE
Hi, it’s Fiona here, taking over the review, as Steve was the next one on.
…Just a minute, ….I’ll first check his notes to see how nasty his review is about me..……..ah, right then!!!!
He sings one of his own songs “As Beautiful As You”, a love song about the changes in life, and the endurance (hopefully!) of love. He pays homage to some of his heros…..amazing that he can remember that far back,,, “when I was sweet 16..”J
He then boldly decides to end the first half with one of his unheard poems, in honour of a cup of tea. Maybe it is first night nerves, or the tiredness from the drive, but he cocks it up! Still, he ends with a smile. Could do with a cup of tea after that!
Then it is the break, and the turn of …………….Mr. RAFFLE!!!!
And this weeks winners are………….Big Bob, John Parrot, and Clive Meggs.!!
You now have the option of making a cup of tea, after enduring all this jolly banter..
The Second Half
MARGARET
Steve here again. The second half commences with Margaret performing “Last Thing
On My Mind”…I have never heard it on a Ukele before…….but then I normally sit on
a chair. Great choice of song to kickstart the second half; everyone singing along straight away. Margaret bobbed up and down to the rhythm……while in the background Bob Margaretted up and down.…She then played the first song she had learned on guitar; “Blue Blue Day.” Not one I knew, but once again people sang along from the start.
NORMAN
Mr. Sandman then played a song called Norman….oops, there I go again….I mean, Norman sang a song called Mr. Sandman; it looked very difficult to play, which Norman confirmed by jumping up and down on his Ukulele halfway through, until it looked not unlike a pile of matches. Luckily there was enough left for him to “strike” up a funny George Formby song that I thought actually bittersweet, in which George bemoaned the fact that seemingly uglier people than him could “get the girl”when he couldn’t… WELL MAYBE HE SHOULD STOP MASQUERADING AS A WINDOW CLEANER AND PEERING INTO THEIR BEDROOMS!!! Perve!!
GORDON
Gordon then returned and announced that he was going to play only one song, called “Working Class Hero In the Key Of A”…..funny name for a song. He had written this himself again, and showed his usual excellent use of metaphor and simile, and a nice touch of cutting sarcasm as he let his feelings be known about certain politicians.
I think we all agreed with the sentiment!
SIMON
Simon Oliver returned with 6 strings less than in the first half, but still in the same trousers. He sang an evocative song about Leytonstone as seen through the eyes of a 1950s night-watchman, when the area was greener than now. Poignant images of enamelled mugs, and toast, and the glow of the companionable fire that kept the dark at bay. A demonstration of Simons great ability to write fine storys in a very Folk idiom. He then sang a Roger Whittaker song called “
FIONA
Fiona returned to the floor and sang “Fighting for Strangers”, omitting the slow intro and starting with the more up tempo verses, ..which I thought improved it.
She followed up with “Cannily, Cannily”, a Northern lullaby…..can’t really comment on this, as I fell asleep half way through……..
BOB
……Luckily Big Bob then woke us all up with a rousing “I’ll go no more a roving”, which was going fine until he sang something about “her long legs being smooth and soft as silk.”…. at which point I kind of lost it…..
MIKE
…I returned from my cold shower to find Mike Parrot back on stage, doing the last floor spot of the day, performing a Chris Rainbow song, “Bluebird”.
I was just getting used to hearing Mike perform humorous songs with great humour; he also appears able to deliver tender songs with great tenderness. Lovely to hear!
That ends the review of us floor singers. Hope you have enjoyed it!
If anyone is unhappy with my comments, then please increase the bribe next time.
All major credit cards accepted.
We now come the moment we were all waiting for; the final half special from………………………..
Pause for effect…..drum Roll….thunder rolls……a distant ant farts softly….…
The
Dennis had bought along a mic’and amplification for this special, which can be a double edged sword in a smallish venue, but he clearly knew what he was doing, and had a nice balanced set up, enhancing the guitar sound rather than distorting it, as too many people do.
His first song was called “The Sadness In Departure” and it had a very nice picking arrangement, with a linking slide from one chord to another, which was very pleasing. I hadn’t heard this song before, but Dennis has since forwarded me the lyrics; it reads beautifully just as a poem. Check it out when you can.
He then introduced a themed song that he had written in the 90’s, when he had the great idea of writing a song and poem for each month of the year. He played his “September” song from this collection, full of fine imagery of walking in the misty mornings, dappled light and shade, tumbling leaves, and the sense of natures forces moving and changing in the Earth. Again, a nice guitar riff in the background.
This was followed by the November tribute from the same collection; barren mud flats, evenings closing in, brown earth and silent fields…very evocative.…
Dennis then tells us of old Mile End where he grew up, and reminisced about the Red Rover buses that provided a means to get around the Epping area, where games of Robin Hood were played out amongst the Oak trees. I think he even Made Marion at one point. Surprising really, as he only had a Little John.
This provided the link to his next song, which had a rousing chorus “Green, Green, The Forests of Epping” which has everyone singing. It is so nice when we all hear the voice of a kindred spirit that responds to both Hornbeams and Sunbeams; all the things that are truly magic. Whatever made them, it was something greater than
A change of mood for the next offering. Now a folk club might not seem the best place to extract the urine out of folk clubs, but Dennis is undeterred. (or should that be “in de turd??”) Well, he could have been in a less broadminded club!
He sings of
No sooner have we stopped applauding this when he mentions his recent trip to Verona, and the connections with the Montagues and Capulets…..then lets loose with another laughter filled song about a girl from Wigan (apparently a Wiganetian) with endless funny lines, great delivery, and contagious enthusiasm….., and yet a subliminal underlying sub text about prejudice, and how ridiculous it is to use somebodys place of birth as a barrier against letting them into your heart. Great!
We then have a non-guitar moment, and are treated to a “gor, blimey” poem about what I can only call passionate pensioners………or geriatric groping…or senile shag**ng…...take your pick…with references to bed pans, false teeth etc.
Funny as ever, and yet kind of touching too…one day……………arrgghh!!
To prove his versatility he now starts using props, and we are treated to a fusillade of jokes, involving hymen- tights…(“Hi, Men!”?? ……surely not…!!!) hearing-aid suppositories, corpses that come back to life; blimey!!
He is now revealed as a stand up comedian as well as a singer and songwriter.
All that talent in one person; it’s hardly fair on the rest of us!!!
I bet he’d win Crufts if I entered him………er…so to speak.
I don’t think it necessary to do an autopsy on each remaining song; clearly it was a blur of enjoyment….(clearly it was a blur..??) Suffice to say that we then had a great song about trying to become fit and look like a Chippendale, only to be told by even the doctor that you look like death; then a hilarious story about a dog crapping all over someones house, with nobody prepared to complain in case they offend the owner (turns out the dog is a stray!).
Another gear is deftly changed, and we are then introduced, with polished dexterity, to a wonderful imaginary double act, where Dennis also plays the part of Sid, in a “My Old Mans A Dustman” style routine of questions and answers, and endless puns that have the audience spellbound.
I DO NOT know how he remembers all the words.
When the applause finally dies down, he changes the mood yet again, and picks up the 12 string, to perform a song that reverts to somewhat deeper lyrics about remembering the simple joys to celebrate, with a chorus “sing, sing”….so we did!! Very well, too! I also thought I heard an underlying message along the lines of the philosophy; “give me the wisdom to accept what I cannot change”; or maybe that’s just me.
The inevitable (and I mean inevitable!) calls for an encore are rewarded by another very funny song about the difficulty of coping with polythene supermarket carrier bags, and a chorus of “it’s a good job your company doesn’t make condoms!”
A truly wonderful hours entertainment, enjoyed by all.
In conclusion…..
Sorry if this has been longwinded, but I had to do Dennis justice! I personally found him an absolute revelation, having only noticed the tip of his iceberg before (so to speak…oo er missus) He could do the Palladium with the comedy section alone. It was a privilege to be there, and to be entertained so well.
I even forgot about my flooded kitchen. Thanks Dennis; you are a star!!
It is such a shame that the entire afternoon was ruined by your appalling faux pas in wearing a cloth cap that was clearly Versace, whilst your bicycle clips were obviously Christian D’or. Please don’t let it happen again.
Steve O’Kane